Friday, February 17, 2012

I am really testing Mami's patience

I mentioned earlier in my post about shedding tears because I was afraid about not doing well in Pendidikan Moral. It happened right after school yesterday. Mami tried very hard to be patient with me because she was unhappy that I was worried over exams. I am so "kiasu" that I wanted to do super duper well for my exams. I tested Mami's patience again after my music class last night.

I guess yesterday was a crying day for me. I cried because I didn't do very well in music class yesterday. I was not well last week and I had missed my music class. So, there were some songs which was taught last week, of which I was not familiar. Because I was not familiar, I shed some tears during the class. I burst into more tears after music class after entering the car to go home. I cried and asked Mami why I am unable to read musical notes as fast as Mami could. Mami was very upset with me. She was very upset with my "overly-competitive" spirit.

Mami had advised me to go slow on myself and not to be worried over "not-knowing-things". She mentioned that if I knew everything, I would not need to go to school or for any classes. Because of how I am, Mami has been trying hard to prepare me in advance so that I wouldn't cry when I do not know something. E.g. if my teacher teaches a song and request us to play only the right hand, Mami would ensure that she teaches me both hands so that I am able to already play both hands (this only applies for my Yamaha lessons, and doesn't apply for my Electone lessons). For school, Mami tries to go through the chapters before my teacher teaches so that I am able to answer questions when being asked. However, she has mentioned that Mami is not "God". She is unable to predict what is going to be taught in school.

Mami said that she has second thoughts with me now. She feels that she should stop preparing me in advance and she wants me to learn how to accept failures. She wants me to learn to accept that it is alright if I do not know anything. I can learn there and then and move on. I cried even more when I heard about this arrangement.

I hope she would still teach me and make me smart.

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